vulture.

i'm totally over dove chocolates.

and by that i mean, of course i love dove chocolates as much as the next girl and of course i will continue buying and eating them in large quantities. i'm just kind of done with the cheesy inspirational sayings that are printed on the insides of the wrappers. because lets face it. when i buy a big bag of dark chocolate, its usually because i am in an awful mood (because its that time of the month, or its raining, or i screwed up an audition, or its a monday or something) and i have every intention of sitting on the couch and devouring the entire bag. i just want to fall into a chocolate coma while watching a lifetime movie and lamenting my life, which i really don't think is too much to ask, AMIRIGHT??!? and the last thing i need is to read a high-and-mighty candy wrapper that says "don't put off until tomorrow what could be done today!" or "in every girl is a caterpillar, waiting to become a butterfly" or "reach for the moon! even if you miss, you will land among the stars!"

really, dove? thanks. that really inspires me - inspires me to PUNCH A BABY.

so i'm thinking of starting my own line of chocolates called vulture, because a vulture is pretty much the opposite of a dove. a dove is all about olive branches and peace and harmony and blah blah blah. a vulture is at the customer service desk at the airport complaining about why it can only have one carrion.* MY KIND OF BIRD, YALL.

vulture chocoloates will have sayings on the wrappers, too.
sayings like "that thing you're worried about? it happened."
and "some people die in terrible car fires."
and "YOU'RE ADOPTED."

those are the kind of chocolate wrapper sayings i can get behind.

*get it? like a carry-on? only its carrion because vultures eat dead things? GET IT???